Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s easy to say in retrospect, but when I’m telling you that I had a plan for this week, I actually had a plan. In an effort to be slightly less socially awkward and make a real adult friend at work, my brilliant idea was to invite a colleague to lunch – on me – with the goal of getting to know someone a little better.
*Narrator: she didn’t*
Whenever you happen to be reading this, I can’t hide the fact that I am writing it in the year 2020.
A Brief Note of Context
When I started planning this little writing project the world had been aware of COVID-19 for less than a month, and only then as a new virus recently discovered in (and mostly limited to) the Wuhan Province of China. It didn’t occur to me for a moment that by Week Eleven of my twelve month plan I, along with most other non-frontline workers, would be working from home, indefinitely. I started writing with the idea that my thoughts, discoveries, and stories about happiness weren’t confined to one particular moment in time; that whatever anyone could glean from my words could apply at any time, in any place, in the English-speaking world (I barely have a second language and trust me, you don’t want me to write in it). When the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic in March of 2020, this story – and my ability to tell it – became firmly bolted to this precise moment in time.
I selfishly tried to keep the pandemic out of my words as much as possible, focusing instead on timeless truths about happiness in a modern world. I’ve talked about unpacking childhood baggage, learning to acknowledge and redirect negative self-talk, and of choosing to be happy in the face of trauma and personal loss. But maybe now it’s time to finally let go of the “perfect” narrative and talk about resilience – and what little I have actually had to show – in the face of our current reality.
The truth is, in the age of COVID, I am socially, economically, and medically privileged. I share a home (that we own) with my wonderful husband and I have never once had to wonder where my next bit of human contact will come from. My husband is a teacher in a part of the world where teachers are well paid with a fair amount of job security. While he is now “on the front line” in that he currently works outside the home, he is very safe and will not lose his job if he does become ill. I work at a university and have been continually employed and safely working from home since March. Because of our jobs, our age, access to medical care in our province, and our relative lack of pre-existing conditions, we are not among those most vulnerable to COVID-19. My personal privilege extends one step further: I do not personally know anyone who has contracted the virus. My “losses” as a result of the pandemic have been entirely limited to my hobbies, leisure time, and social life. Yes, the state of the world and my place in it has been, at times, difficult to cope with. But the fact that I can actually say I have in some ways benefited from the pandemic – with more time to read, the elimination of my commute to work, and the wherewithal to support local shops and restaurants – is the true indicator of my privilege.
But what about everyone else?
If I could buy the world a lunch…
When it comes to social responsibility, we always seem to find an excuse to not “live our values” or practice what we preach. For example, I always used to say that I’d buy my groceries from the Farmer’s Market “when I had more money”. To be fair, I said this when I was about 20 and I actually didn’t have the money, but I’ve caught myself several times over the past few years coming up with similar excuses – it’s closer, it’s more convenient this way, it will save us a bit of money, I’ll do better next time. One thing that COVID-19 has done for me is completely strip away every last one of these excuses. My husband and I find ourselves in the unusual position of retaining 100% of our income but losing about 60% of the ways we would typically spend it. In an average year we like to spend our free time (and money) travelling, attending live sporting events, going on adventures, and making our way through the local food and drink landscape. Not being able to do these things has given us some time to reflect.
With more free time and money we have been trying to focus on what’s important for us as a family and, perhaps most importantly right now, how we can give back to our chosen community. With the money we would have spent filling our car with gas or taking the train to soccer games, we are now giving directly back to our local business community in our absolutely favourite way: eating local. We live in Niagara and, once you get past all the basic tourist stuff, there are some truly fantastic local restaurants. Our top three right now are:
In the past nine months we have also donated more money to charity than any previous year. Most recently (in alphabetical order), to:
Canadian Cancer Society
Canadian Red Cross
Epilepsy Toronto
Movember Canada
Pathstone Mental Health
Start Me Up Niagara
St. Joseph’s Lifecare Foundation
To be clear, I am NOT patting myself on the back. My reasons for sharing this information are twofold: to bring awareness to organizations that do incredible work on a local, provincial, and national scale; and to urge people who are in similarly privileged positions to consider giving back. After all, everyone has been touched in some way by cancer, natural disaster, challenges to physical and/or mental health, poverty and joblessness, and old age.
Pivot, Unprecedented Times, and other pandemic buzz-words
Looking at this week in light of the pandemic, I wasn’t exactly sure how to accomplish my goal. When I planned this happiness task many months ago, I thought I would be walking away a few dollars poorer with a deeper connection to someone in a similar situation to myself. When I really think about it, the elements of buying someone lunch that I believed would make me happy – the joy of giving, the sense of community, and the chance to learn something new – are universal phenomena that exist beyond eating take-out food under cafeteria lighting with a work friend. Of course when this is all over I plan to try this again, but what can I do in the meantime?
Another thing I am blessed with is a collection of wonderful friends who do live their values and inspire others to do the same. In response to my COVID lunch conundrum, my dear friend Allan suggested that I make a donation to a local food shelter and learn more about how they operate in my community. I cannot believe I didn’t think of such a brilliant idea! Not only is it completely the right thing to do, it checks all of my boxes. Donating to organizations who actually make and/or buy lunch for community members will absolutely bring me joy, connect me to my community, and give me a chance to learn more about people and organizations who are working tirelessly – and during a global pandemic – to better the lives of those around them.
I have chosen three organizations to learn about and donate to.
Community Care, St. Catharines & Thorold
Founded in 1919, Community Care has been providing vital services and assistance to individuals and families in St. Catharines & Thorold. Their programs and services range from food and shelter security to emergency services and medical programs.
How to give: http://communitycarestca.ca/ways-to-give
The RAFT
The RAFT was created in 1994 to support at-risk and homeless youth in our community by helping them become independent and self-sufficient. Their services range from hostel-style accommodations, regional transportation programs, community development initiatives, and a hot meal program.
How to give: http://www.theraft.ca/site/get-involved
Silver Spire Church
Formed in 2008, Silver Spire provides outreach to homeless and other marginalised members of the community. In addition to their stated commitment to acceptance, the church participates in an Out of the Cold program, providing a hot meal and a place to sleep every Monday from November through March. Silver Spire also works with Community CARE, Start Me Up Niagara, the St. George Breakfast Club, Bethlehem Housing and Support Services, The RAFT, Gillian’s Place, and AIDS Niagara.
How to give: https://www.silverspire.ca/give
Yes, it’s that simple.
While I didn’t exactly accomplish my goal in the way I set out to this week, I am actually much happier with the outcome than I probably would have been in a non-COVID world. Connecting with friends, family, and colleagues is definitely important – especially now. But this week, thanks to a friend, I got to help someone who needed that lunch more than I do; someone who makes me proud of the community I live in, and someone I may one day meet walking down the street, in a café, or at work.
And Allan, I owe you a lunch 😉
How to Be Happy 