Take One: Not the outcome I was hoping for…
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
— Winston Churchill
I had been looking forward to this week from the beginning. I love to cook and I love to entertain people in our home. In fact, it’s about the closest thing I do on a regular basis to “adulting” and it gives me great pleasure and pride. Over the preceding week, I connected with friends, scheduled a date and time, and began thinking about what I was going to cook. On Tuesday night I planned the menu. On Wednesday evening I got everything I needed from the grocery store.
On Wednesday night, I came down with the flu.
Pretty anticlimactic, no?
In the span of three hours, I went from planning a night of eating and drinking to not being able to eat solid food (four days, and counting). Not only was I disappointed that I’d have to cancel my plans and effectively postpone this week’s bit of “happiness”, I also had a fridge absolutely stacked with food that I couldn’t stomach looking at.
Since I didn’t have a dinner party to write about or food pictures to share, I considered using this time to reflect on failure; after all, I hadn’t met my objective. In my drug-addled state, I thought about all the times I lost momentum and gave up because I let one small failure destroy my resolve. This morning, something finally crystalized in my mind; something that I had been turning over and over in my head since calling in sick from work on Thursday. Getting sick is not failure.
Most North Americans, myself included, seem to fall prey to a self-destructive internal monologue whenever we consider staying home sick:
If you don’t go in, you are letting the team down. Someone will have to pick up your slack. People will think you’re lazy, taking advantage of the system, not really sick. You just want a long weekend. It will look bad if you don’t come in. Strong people come in when they feel like shit, so be strong. Grin and bear it, rub some dirt in it. People think you are faking it.
This (literally) unhealthy work ethic is fed by little things, like celebrating how few sick days you’ve taken in your career, or valorizing those who come to work instead of going to the doctor because they “just have so much work to do!” I half expect to see “ability to compartmentalize illness” on the Special Skills section of a resume, right underneath “effective time management” and “team player”.
I hate to admit it, but I still fall prey to the unhealthy narrative and, to this day, I feel guilty when I have to stay home from work, even if it will ultimately protect my colleagues. I spent Thursday and Friday actively convincing myself that it is okay to stay home sick. Actually, it’s better to stay home sick. I have to be clear to myself and to anyone who is reading this: if you are sick, STAY HOME. Protect those around you, protect yourself. Honestly, if you are barely functioning, you are not contributing anything useful and you’re only making it harder for yourself to recover. Take the time and do not feel guilty about it.
So maybe I didn’t fail this week. Maybe my deadline just got pushed back a little. Unlike some weeks I have lined up, this one is not a mystery: I know that cooking a meal for friends will make me happy and I know I will make rescheduling dinner a priority. I also know that I will not let this hiccup (cough, sneeze, fever, whatever) stop me for long.
Until then, I am going to focus on feeling better, getting back to work (slowly, and with disinfectant wipes), and working on being healthier and happier, one step at a time!
And when I do get around to making dinner for a friend, I’ll write about it here:
How to Be Happy 