Week Six: Make a List of Things to Do Before Your Birthday

If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.

— Tom Petty

I deliberately set out to make a “birthday bucket list” this week because at the beginning of the month, my husband celebrated a milestone birthday. Watching someone else cross over this particular threshold seemed like an appropriate time to reflect on where I am now and where I thought I’d be by the time I turn 30 (a very dangerous game). The article I took this “happy task” from offered no explanation of why making a birthday list should make me happy. Is it the optimism of planning for the future? Intentional goal setting? Slowly acclimating myself to the idea of getting older? The article also didn’t bestow any special significance on a particular birthday; however, the fact that in nine months I will celebrate 30 years on the planet seems to have come with its own sense of gravitas. 

I’ve always been a keen maker of lists. I’ve filled countless notebooks with my numbered prattlings about everything from pet peeves and favourite movies to New Year’s Resolutions and “Things to Do Before I Die”. Some lists have more staying power than others. Having to reset the oven clock after a power outage is no longer really a pet peeve but I have been working on my bucket list since I was 13. Making a list of things I want to do before my next birthday would be a pretty ordinary task for any of the birthdays on either side of this one; however, I’m told that turning 30 is a pretty significant cultural milestone that no one seems to escape without some serious introspection. Out of curiosity, I checked with my husband and, unsurprisingly, he feels no different than he did at 29. As much as I joke, on the whole I am not too bothered by leaving my twenties (ask me how I feel in a few months), but I do find myself wondering if I have lived up to the expectations of 13-year-old Laura. 

There are a lot of “do before you’re 30” lists on the internet (how convenient) but I suspect the intended audience isn’t someone who is three grey hairs away from the deadline. Most lists are all full of some pretty monumental life changes that I have either no hope (or desire) of completing in the next nine months. I have also learned the hard way that writing a “how to make the perfect me” list at the start of each year will only end in disappointment. Setting bucket-list-level life goals and giving myself 365 days to achieve them doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So, instead of jumping right into “live in another country”, “get rid of your bad habits”, and “be at peace with yourself” (actual internet advice), I decided to try and figure it out for myself. After all, I no longer have a decade to figure out what 30-year-old Laura will look like. 

Step One: Overthink It

Goal: Write down some things that come to mind; aim for 30. If I get stuck, I’ll check the internet.

Reality: After staring at a blank piece of paper for ten minutes, I’d managed to write down three whole things. I couldn’t seem to find a balance between important-sounding things befitting a “do before I’m 30” list and ordinary, achievable things I could do before any old birthday. I was making this too hard for myself. I was focusing on big things I wanted to do that I hoped would define me and my three decades on earth (apparently ignoring all the things I did in the previous 29 years). So, I reframed the question: what combination of big and small things can I do before my next birthday that are achievable and meaningful to me, that don’t have to define me or signify an important milestone? 

One Coffee Later…

I sat in front of that same piece of paper and experienced the following thoughts, in the span of about 60 seconds:

This will be easy. Title: Week Six: Make a List of Things to Do Before Your Birthday. Write down 31 things. Wait, what?! How old do I think I am? Write down 30 things. Don’t write down things you’ve already planned to do; that’s cheating… Okay, write some of those down, too, because this is harder than I thought. What do normal people want to do before they’re 30? Why does that matter, Laura? Focus on you. Okay, here we go, I really need to do this one. But does that make it more of a chore? Deep breath. Okay, I’ve got 5 things; I’m on a roll. I am not on a role. Let’s look at the internet. “What to do before I’m thirty”. And GO.

Wisdom from the Internet

There are so many lists of things to do before you turn thirty that I had to keep reminding myself that most people reading them are not about to turn thirty so they could have upwards of a decade to complete them. Some lists had really general personality-level things like “stop holding grudges” and “get organised” while others absolutely screamed privileged millennial. One in particular instructed readers to “attend a full moon party in Thailand” and “quit your day job without a back-up plan.” Why, exactly? I thought that seeking wisdom from the internet would help me write my own list, but in reality I was reading about things that I couldn’t do, didn’t want to do, couldn’t afford to do, or that would require an entirely lifetime to do properly. I looked at dozens of lists for inspiration but I got nowhere. 

Actual Wisdom

For some reason I thought that this would be an easy week, but I found myself at 11 o’clock on Sunday night trying to think of my last five things. I eventually turned to my husband for help. He knows me better than most and, since I decided to stick with him and ignore one list’s suggestion to “date someone who’s just not your type”, I read him my list and asked, what else should I do before I turn 30? I felt a little better when he stared at me blankly and started to list things I had already written down. See? Not as easy as it looks. Eventually we rounded out the 30. Some were big, some were small, some were things I just hadn’t gotten around to doing, and some were completely out of my control. It was frightening, it was motivating, and it was satisfying. Is it the most interesting list in the world? No, but if I look back at my life and write down the 30 best things I have done in the last 30 years, it would be a lot more exciting. In the next nine months will I “live in another country”? Probably not, and that’s okay. Will I “start saving”? No, I will continue saving, like we did when we bought our house three years ago and started saving for retirement. Will I “admire [myself]”? I will try, and maybe if I focus more on the incredible things I have done and will continue to do (with or without lists), and less on who I think I should be nine months from now, maybe I’ll get there.

30 Things I Want to Do Before I’m 30

1. Run two 5k races
2. Get ID’d/carded one last time
3. Paint something
4. Save 12% of my annual income and put it in my TFSA
5. Find a dentist
6. Learn to drive stick
7. Sing more
8. Make Instant Pot Indian food
9. Try a new strength training class at my gym
10. Try a higher risk investment 
11. Dress like a flapper/find a 20s party
12. Go for a beach run – anywhere
13. Take an online course in something interesting
14. Go to a drive-in movie
15. Get rid of 3 boxes of stuff we don’t need
16. Write something and record it
17. Create a “Passion Roadmap” 
18. Visit a place I’ve never been
19. Run along the Welland Canal
20. Pick up trash in the park
21. Donate blood
22. Make one dish from every cookbook we own
23. Write letters and send them
24. Tell ten people I admire them
25. Use a hotel gym
26. Frame that print that I’ve been putting off for years
27. Successfully grow something in my garden and eat it
28. Get a full-time permanent job
29. Complete one more thing from my bucket list
30. Take a full day just for me

I’ll be updating this list on its own post, here. I’d also love to hear some of your lists! What do you want to do before your next birthday? What are some awesome things you have already done?

Sources

30 Empowering Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Turns 30 Milly Day | Glamour Magazine UK
30 Things to Do Before We Turn 30 Laura Alexa | Vocal Media
30 Things to Do Before You Reach 30 | CGD Team | Career Girl Daily
45 Things You Can Do to Get Happy No Matter Where You Are
Courtney Johnston | @CourtRJ | ( http://www.rulebreakersclub.com/) on Lifehack.org
Birthday Bucket List: 25 Things to Do Before Your Next Birthday Marelisa | Daring to Live Fully